Many times I have thought about writing my blog in Chinese, my first language as it could express myself better. But I changed my mind when I thought about my husband would read this one day.
I sent an urgent message to my older brother through Facebook when I saw his comment on my photo last night. I was in the midst of panic and needed someone to talk to so bad. My husband was on his computer game, and I couldn't wait until he got done with his levels. And my brother, sometimes you could say that he is a cool person who doesn't express his emotion easily, but I always have my way to know that he cares. What can I say, he is my brother!
Everybody always think that my life in America is easier compares to theirs. As for me, being raised in Malaysia, and coming here only during my young adulthood giving me a lot of challenges. I even told my close friends that I have the document phobia after going through the whole process of preparing paperwork for every single decisions that I made. And I always think in my head that I definitely do not have to do all these IF I was in Malaysia.
I love my life. And I do love it now. After going through whole lot of challenges and taking them down, I am appreciating my marriage, my family, my friends and my life even more than before! Although there are still so many obstacles for us to overcome in the present and future, I always hope that we will get through it with more positive attitudes and heading toward a more stable life than ever.
My brother got my message and we chat on FB for a while but his Internet connection was not stable so he called me instead.
Sometimes I think guys have their own mindsets that make thing less complicated that women thought. Not that we like to think complicate, sometimes is because from different perspective.
After talking with my brother, Cu turned off his game and hugged me and told me that I think too much. I was surprised how much English I used when I was talking to my brother on the phone, and Cu heard it all. But I was glad that he did pay attention to our conversation about my worries. A lot of people around us always think of Cu as the guy who is very playful and sometimes irresponsible. But I know he always cares and always ready to ease my mind when I was not. And most of the time, he would not speak up if he thinks that I got everything handled. And I love him being so, for letting me being myself.
I am now trying to figure out what to do to prepare us to go back home this year for my brother's wedding. My brother was understanding enough to tell me to take care of my own things until everything is ready and it is not necessary for me to go to his wedding as it is just a dinner. I love my brother, and this is going to be the first wedding for my family. I would try my best to be there and I would love to congratulate him in person and welcome my future in-law to our family with my warmest hug! On the side notes, I would like to keep my mom accompanied through this time, she said she needs me to take her shopping for her dinner dress. I know she is excited and wants to look great for her son's wedding!
There are so much dillema in my life, I have to say. But I have been breaking through the walls one after another to get us together, and I am confident that we are getting close this time!
几乎每天祈祷
明天会更好
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