"I am Happy"

Cu, Somnang and I have been sick lately. So we went to bed earlier than usual but couldn't fall asleep as soon as how we thought we would be. Cu and I talked a lot recently when we were laying on the bed, just waiting to fall asleep. And he had touched my heart not once, but many times in this week. He had made me feel like I am loved and spoiled; he made me happy.

"Although I wasn't able to marry a rich woman, I am happy marrying you," how Cu liked to say that it was his goal to marry a rich wife, so that he wouldn''t have to work too hard the rest of his life, it touched me when he was sincerely telling me that he was happy being with me. And I told him, because I had given him "EVERYTHING" I had.

Life could have been easier for him. Marrying a girl who is not a citizen like me, not only cost him money, but his time to be just settled down. We have so many paperwork to be taken care of, and all those paperwork require application fees. Other than money, there were some waiting periods for the progress and the results. And honestly, those applications affect a lot of our decision makings: education, house, children, trip... and everything. It sucks because both of us have so many plans ahead of us, yet we have to depend on others to get settled in order to move on with our decisions!

How we used to think that marriage is only between two persons. On my case, my marriage does not lay on solely him and I, but the hand of the immigration department, which takes an important role in our marriage process.

Sometimes I wonder why is it so hard to be a couple for myself? Isn't love is enough? Does he love me? Yes! Do I love him? Yes! Then, why do we have to prove to "others" that we will marry each other forever? How are we going to prove? Can they see love?

I get worried and stressed sometimes due to those paperwork that we have to handle. I get nervous while waiting for results and decisions of others would make. I am losing weight day after day thinking of this and that. And how I am so happy that the only thing that does not bring negative effect toward me is how supportive Cu is! And I learn to appreciate him more and more every single day pass by. And the way how he is telling me how much he loves me and how happy he is to be with me have making me floored. How could I not love him?

That night when we went to buy medicine in the middle of night, we also talked about my school plan. Cu is the type of person who thinks that education is not the only way to make people become rich. So I was asking him why would he thought that going back to school is good for me if he thought otherwise? He said "because you are smart". I was surprised, "I thought you always think that I am a 'crackhead'?" He said he knew that I was smart and "school is where you belonged because you could do better than me." And that was when I started realizing that how he always disagreed that education was a good choice for everyone to be rich, but he did think that I was outsmart others and I could do so much better than everybody else. "I'm touch." I told him. And I love him how he always being so honest with me.

I seriously thinking about going back to school. But just couldn't making decision if I should go back to pharmacy or get bachelor degree. It has been troubling me recently.

Cu and I have decided not to move out-of-town after the lease is over in this coming August. And we might probably renew our lease so that I could continue my school here. This will save a lot of money from moving. And now, what should I do next?

I am definitely appreciate the time we have to talk before we go to bed. It has made us to understand each other more and more. And learn to appreciate and love each other more as well. I love you, and I am happy to marry you too, Cu. I hope our future is brighter than ever. And we will enjoy our times more than ever.





你呢？
是否也对你的生活
也快乐满足了吗？